Walking Forward With Love After Loss

Losing my best friend — my husband and soulmate — is something that still feels unreal, even after a year and four months. When I sit by the veterans’ memorial, watching cars pass and noticing the long road I’ll walk back to my apartment, I’m reminded of my life now. A long path, uncertain at times, with rooms that feel emptier than they once did.

That’s what it feels like to lose the vision of a future with a spiritual partner.

There is a grounding that comes from being in a healthy and spiritual relationship with someone you love. Life doesn’t feel endless or overwhelming. You feel held by a sense of safety, sweetness, and gratitude that becomes part of your everyday world.

And yet… I still feel him. I feel his soul — even his personality — woven gently through my days. His presence is soft, never startling, more like a calming energy that keeps me attuned to love. When waves of sadness come, they move through me more quickly now, allowing me to return to my life: creating, writing, tending to daily tasks, enjoying nature, and sharing laughter with friends and strangers and with the soul of my husband.

I’ve come to understand that returning to my “old normal” isn’t possible. Life has changed, and so have I. Moving forward requires accepting life’s impermanence and choosing to live with meaning and purpose.

This is how I transmute my pain, one day at a time, into love and service — for myself, for Phil, and for others walking their own road through grief.

It’s what keeps my heart steady and my spirit at peace.